There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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