Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
