I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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