I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
