Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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