if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
