dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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