i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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