i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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