I am spending my child support on dildos
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I think I just sharted jello shots
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize