She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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