I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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