1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
