see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
