i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
