I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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