How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
