i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
