Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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