Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
