Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
