There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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