I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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