Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
