Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
