You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Randomize
