is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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