Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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