i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
