i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
