she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
