I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
