I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
