We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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