shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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