I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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