i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
