hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
