I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
