my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
