Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Shitshow foam night was such a success
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
