sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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