oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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