i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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