It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
