Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
