Already got asked if we're dating
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
