just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
