Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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