I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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