What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So apparently I’m into choking now
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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