my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize