What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
