I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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