Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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