My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
