Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize