he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize