hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
