Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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