Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
