8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
