I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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