I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
They have beer where we have blood.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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