Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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