"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm like, not good at living.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
