sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
