K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
