My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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