My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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