mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
