WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize