She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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