So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
