time to smoke my breakfast
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
