i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
