What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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