You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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